so hard to talk about

Who could imagine so much sudden, emotional upheaval for a single life.  ...in just a year's time.  2012

Mom's birthday in mid February was rough... Dad left home for what turned out to be the last time... went to the hospital and was told he couldn't live alone anymore.  Consequently, when he left the hospital this time, it was to enter an assisted living place in Perrysburg.

Smokey, our 15 year old cat, had been sickly off and on for 6 months or so. When she disappeared in March, we called, and searched and called some more; with no discernible response.  She had done this before, so at first we weren't overly concerned.  Then, one afternoon it occurred to Mike to look under the house for her and there she was. So weak she didn't even move except to look at him when he got down at ground level with a flashlight.  The next day when he checked again, she had not moved and didn't respond at all.  So he took an old bath towel with him to wrap her in, to bring her back out for burial.  We both cried so much over the loss of that sweet old kitty.

By the time the end of April came our way we had pretty much recovered from Smokey's passing, and were adjusting to Peaches being our only cat and were on our way home from church that last Wednesday night of the month, when a light-colored pickup truck blew the stop sign coming off the interstate, pulled across to our lane and slowed to nearly a stop right in front of us as we descended the overpass.  To avoid T-boning the truck, I called out "look out" to Mike who had SEEN the truck blow the sign.  But having expected the truck to keep moving and, not realizing the guy was nearly stopped in our path, Mike glanced at the phone he was handing me.  At my call, he ‘looked out‘, pulled the wheel to the right - moving us partly into the next lane (thankfully there was no traffic in that lane!), but not quite far enough to miss the truck.... resulting in the left front corner of our Dodge Sport pickup catching the left rear of his truck, spinning us 180 degrees, setting off the air bag, leaving us facing up the lane we had just come down and killing the little truck we had had for less than 12 months.

To say we were shaken up is an understatement. That we were surprised when Matt suddenly appeared; that witnesses chased the truck as it left the scene of the accident, but could not get a tag number, so we had no recourse that direction; that I could even talk when I called Pastor's house to report the accident (Mike and others had already called 911) I was shaking so violently... is all beyond description.  And, once again, we were in need of personal transportation. (Thankfully, that was easily resolved.)

All too soon it was August. I was talking with Daddy on the phone on the 5th and saying ‘goodbye’ to him on the 23rd… Attending his memorial the following Monday, (Teri Hansen’s birthday), and driving home the next day, only to attend two more memorial services in the next month and a half.  The first was for Jessica T’s father-in-law and the 2nd for Ruth T’s sweet husband, Victor.

Then, just five days after Victor's memorial, on October 18th, Mike was riding the bike to work on a typical October morning with patchy fog, when a car blew the stop sign (yes! again!), pulled out from a side road into his path.  In what I'm told was a successful attempt not to collide with the car, they believe Mike hit the rear brakes too hard and lost control of the bike. He next opened his eyes in glory.

I never imagined how much I would miss him. The thought returns over and over, that I never wanted to live without Michael here with me.  …not that I would intentionally do myself harm, by any means… but I’m not (just about a month out from the accident) really enthused with life at this point.  I’m not seeing a purpose for all the hours between Sunday mornings and Wednesday evenings.  Now... months later... I think it might actually be more difficult than it was those first 2 months.  It is most certainly harder to keep a clear head some days...