Bonnie Tirpe Heikkila I am sorry for the many who do not feel supported by those around them. I do not feel abandon(ed). I feel supported by God! He always seems to send what I need on a day I need it ! I work hard to financially keep the life I shared going and ask for nothing but a kind word from those around me. I try very hard not to dwell on who is or is not here with me. It's my journey and I look at it as an opportunity to speak about cancer and widowhood rather than help for myself. I know my journey will one day be someone else's and I would like them to think back on how I handled the loss in a good way. I keep in mind that my husband had the cancer and he was the one who passed away. He deserves the pity and praise for what he suffered. Not me. I want to make people be comfortable talking to me and reach out to new people too. I have control of this journey and really with God at my side... he provides those I need.
· 3 · June 25 at 1:21am
Gretchen Christian Thank you! Your words shifted something in my mind as I read them, and it was as if Abba was giving me a new and different way to understand this journey, in that My life has always been MY journey. Different people have come into and out of it as I have traveled its course, some more personal in their contact and others less, some staying longer and others less. Only I myself and the Lord God have been truly constant in it, and so it shall be forever! How did I miss this till now?
· 1 · June 25 at 8:37am ·Edited - clearly this is the time i edited it... the response would not precede it
Joyce Ansell I am glad you see this in a positive impact and attitude. Which, I have as much as I could, too, even with the evil in my life. So I have to ask, if your life is going great and you are not having any issues; why are you here in the widows group? You must have had an issue or a struggle or you want to read each of ours. I am just curious. I am here to help others. And my journey is not over, never will be. And I have my faith and love of God who has guided me, too.
Gretchen Christian Oh, my husband of 32+ years was abruptly snatched from my life 3.75 years ago, and I've been in some very dark places since then. Not constantly, to be sure, but the rejectedness that began this thread of conversation is no stranger to me!
Perhaps I ought to have inserted something to indicate that what followed was the changed perspective, not the way I have been viewing my life. I shall attempt to fix that.
Perhaps I ought to have inserted something to indicate that what followed was the changed perspective, not the way I have been viewing my life. I shall attempt to fix that.
Like · Reply · 1 · June 25 at 4:39am ·Edited
Bonnie Tirpe Heikkila Joyce Ansell, my life is by no means perfect, I cry daily for my husband as he was truelly the love of my life. I work at being positive, it does not just happen. It does not mean I stop searching and trying to find new ways to move forward or to see how others may do this. There is no rule book on grief. Why am I here? I am still a grieving wife....he has only been gone a year, to stay positive I find d it easier not to focus on myself but to give ....sometimes it is my point of view that can help someone as was the case in Gretchen Christian s comment above. In helping others I am helping myself to stay positive in the worst storm of my life. That's why I am here! I also never said my life was going great you assumed this..I have a,17 year old daughter who fell to depression after my husband's cancer and death. I had to give up my job to care for her and make sure she did not get taken by this disease too...as well as my three other children who needed me. At the age of 53 I had to start all over again finding a job and keeping a mortgage as well as everything else going on my own. And after all this I am still here on earth ..still standin....but it takes work...life is how you look at it. If you only see bad....you only get bad. I chose to be positive and to help others to see it too....my husband loved me just that much. His love allows me to see good..even in my storm! And isn't the name Widows Hope an indicator of why we are here? To give hope to one another..not to judge why a widow is here....we all need that....hope. ❤
· 2 · June 25 at 12:12pm ·Edited
Bonnie Tirpe Heikkila Gretchen Christian, Thank you and I am glad you saw value in my comment. I too originally saw the loss of support from those around me..until God opened my eyes and heart to see my journey for what it really was...my journey. It is not up to the world to try to correct the loss of my husband nor those around me. It's more about me picking myself up realizing it was my husband who suffered and is not here. How I chose to deal with his loss is totally up to me and really...only I can help myself....no one can do this for me but me and God..so my choice is to put my husband first as I did my 33 years of marriage and understand he suffered, he is not here. I must go on as hard as it is and continue working to be positive. Helping others to do the same. When I first came on this site and read all the sadness others felt I almost did not come back. One year, 4 years, 10 years and still they find no hope in life which is fine for others if that is what they chose BUT for me.....my adult children deserve a mom.They have lost their dad and I will not let the cancer rob my children of a mom who is very much alive. I do not want them to say I died the day their dad did. I want them to remember me as loving them and others enough while in my own storm to continue to live life best I can and to help those around me... That means forgiving others and not looking to see who abandon me but to see God's hand staying with me and giving me strength and courage to go on without my soulmate.
I must note, my dad passed away of cancer as well as my brother, I lost another brother to suicide and my mom to a stroke along with both my husband's parents. I live here with no family around me other than my children as our relatives live in Michigan! I am no stranger to loss or abandonment . I by no means have had an easy life and at the age of 53 am truelly on my own. What I hope to do with my comments is to inspire those who are ready to see the good in life or to find a,new way to look at their circumstances that will help them live life without their love the best they can ..that is what I had to do to get through this. I also believe the comment made by Joyce Ansell was directed at me. So sad a fellow widow would judge another widow for trying to have a positive outlook to give to others instead of dwelling in sadness and ask why We are here. You are the reason I am here....people who actually are looking at themselves,and wanting to do better and learn how to move forward by the road others have traveled. Stay positive in your storm...and never stop living life..it's too darn short to stay miserable as some do. Wishing you peace and comfort!
I must note, my dad passed away of cancer as well as my brother, I lost another brother to suicide and my mom to a stroke along with both my husband's parents. I live here with no family around me other than my children as our relatives live in Michigan! I am no stranger to loss or abandonment . I by no means have had an easy life and at the age of 53 am truelly on my own. What I hope to do with my comments is to inspire those who are ready to see the good in life or to find a,new way to look at their circumstances that will help them live life without their love the best they can ..that is what I had to do to get through this. I also believe the comment made by Joyce Ansell was directed at me. So sad a fellow widow would judge another widow for trying to have a positive outlook to give to others instead of dwelling in sadness and ask why We are here. You are the reason I am here....people who actually are looking at themselves,and wanting to do better and learn how to move forward by the road others have traveled. Stay positive in your storm...and never stop living life..it's too darn short to stay miserable as some do. Wishing you peace and comfort!
· 3 · June 25 at 11:58am
George Owiti No matter their rejection but almighty father god is always pouring blessings to us widows /widowed that keep us going stay strong and blessed
Gretchen Christian oh, one of the instances (if i may be so bold) of unhelpful helpfulness that i've received as recently as this last Sunday morning, was along the lines of, "You can do it yourself, just go on YouTube ... they'll show you how to do almost anything you need to fix, repair, replace, etc." (and, unsaid) "but we don't have the time or inclination to be of any more help than that."
