kindled thoughts

THE BACKGROUND INFO

“Statistics show that 75% of those who lose their spouse to death, will be rejected by family and friends! That is sad and shocking! We here at WidowsHope are trying to educate the world to the very real plight of widow/widowers in the world. They are the least supported and most abandoned populace in the world! There are many reasons why we are abandoned, greed (they were not in the will - goodbye), we become a source of pity that they cannot fix quickly enough, we depress them, we need them too much, and we do not make the decisions they want us to make. It is a sad statement of the way the world treats widows and orphans. Help us to change that! WidowsHope wants to educate and strengthen our members.” (from WidowsHope fb page)

In response to NUMEROUS comments lamenting the validity of the above post, a lady wrote: I am sorry for the many who do not feel supported by those around them. I do not feel abandon(ed). I feel supported by God! He always seems to send what I need on a day I need it ! ... I try very hard not to dwell on who is or is not here with me. It's my journey and I look at it as an opportunity to speak about ... widowhood ... . I know my journey will one day be someone else's and I would like them to think back on how I handled the loss in a good way. I keep in mind that my husband ... was the one who passed away. He deserves the pity and praise for what he suffered. Not me. I want to make people be comfortable talking to me and reach out to new people too. I have control of this journey and really with God at my side... he provides those I need.

I read that (around 1:30 am, 6/25/16), closed the tablet and attempted to get some sleep. Half an hour later, still awake, I reopened the tablet... still open to the comments where the paragraph sat, humbly waiting for my return. During that time something had shifted in my thinking.

I replied: Thank you! Your words shifted something in my mind ... and it was as if Abba was giving me a new and different way to understand this journey, (in that) My life has always been MY journey. Different people have come into and out of it as I have traveled its course, some more personal in their contact and others less, some staying longer and others less. Only I myself and the Lord God have been truly constant in it, and so it shall be forever! How did I miss this till now?

I did not add, “Eureka!!” or any remarks about an epiphany, but give or take two hours later, 4:11 a.m., I was awake again, and I decided to check in on the post.

A second lady had come into it and was curious about my entry, saying: I am glad you see this in a positive impact and attitude. Which, I have as much as I could, too, even with the evil in my life. So I have to ask, if your life is going great and you are not having any issues; why are you here in the widows group? You must have had an issue or a struggle or you want to read each of ours. I am just curious. I am here to help others. And my journey is not over, never will be. And I have my faith and love of God who has guided me, too.

It seemed appropriate to fill in the obvious gap I had left, so I wrote: my husband of 32+ years was abruptly snatched from my life 3.75 years ago, and I've been in some very dark places since then. Not constantly, to be sure, but the rejected-ness that began this thread of conversation is no stranger to me!

I thought perhaps I ought to have inserted something to indicate that what followed was the changed perspective, not the way I have been viewing my life, so I then added the 2 words in parentheses in my previous comment.

END OF BACKGROUND INFO


What happened in my thinking? Wow, lights-a-flashing and ideas popping all over the place! Now how to force them from 2 and 4 a.m. thinking to words at 9 a.m.

It was most certainly a Eureka! moment when the concept that the life I live is my OWN journey... not that of those around me wherein I play a bit part... which (I suspect “sadly”) must be the way I have seen my life for the majority of this time!!! How dreadful a situation is that? No wonder thinking about my life has always made me sad enough to weep!

But to now have seen the notion that each of us has this journey with HUGE differences in the degrees of intimacy, and that we intersect with others who are doing the exact same thing as we, for various periods of time (refer to italics above)!

Abba took me back to my years in the Air Force... Basic Training, Tech School, my first, second, third and finally fourth duty stations... ALL the uncountable people whose lives had intersected with mine... and the ONE of whom is still a friend!

(For many years I believed there were two, till nine months ago when we met up again after 43 years of sending birthday and Christmas greetings, letters and interacting when possible, I was summarily informed that we were NOT friends and never HAD been! ...we were only two people who had shared a room in the barracks for a short while. We had nothing in common and therefore could not possibly be friends. ...to remove her from my Facebook friends list, her number from my phone, her address from... you get the picture. Talk about Rejection? That’ll set anybody back on their heels! Shoot! I had thought we had some history... clearly, what did I know?)

Father reminded me of all those who have known me since I met Him in 1976 and before ...decade by decade. ...SHOWING me how some had come and gone without specific notice, while others’ departures consumed me with grief. ...but always He and I were there. ...no one else knew the goings on in that secret place. NO ONE else was ever ALWAYS with me, not even my beloved Michael.



My life is a journey. ...a path of steps I alone can take. And while some who have intersected, stayed but then had to leave this journey of mine... still it is MY journey I am on... not theirs.


ADDENDUM - 6-26-16

While sharing with my sweet Grandmaster Brenda tonight, a wee adjustment was made to the previous revelation. While OTHERS are but “bit players” in MY life journey, I am, indeed, a bit player in the lives that swirl around me daily, and that is only right.